One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
