I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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