When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
