South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
