i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
