let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Someone signed my nipple.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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