you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
