i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think a kid would responsible me up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
