Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
