dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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