Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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