I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
