kristin has been a bad kristin
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
