Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
