Already got asked if we're dating
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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