Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
