He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
