do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
