i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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