So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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