last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
