My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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