Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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