Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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