yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Who died my cat blue again?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
