Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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