He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
