I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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