yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
