you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
