benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
