Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
