I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
