was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
