We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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