i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
