Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
