dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
