Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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