Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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