Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
