You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
