I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
