Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need to sanitize my soul.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
