Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
