What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
