help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
