guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
