bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize