I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
