I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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