Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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