Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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