Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
