So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
