He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
