Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I lost the right to judge tonight
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
