I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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