Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
