You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
