He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
