I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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