so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
