Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
