You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
