Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
