Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
