he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sorry my hands just texted you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
