capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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