I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
