So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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